When I do a live reading for someone and their loved one shows up, inevitably, many times that loved one is apologizing for something that happened while they were alive. Sometimes it is easy for the person who is receiving the reading to immediately tell their loved one that they forgave them long ago, that all is well. There are other times; however, that the issue is far too complex to forgive at that particular moment. I understand and so do they.
Since I do not speak of my client's readings, I will use myself as an example. I had a grandmother that I could not forgive. I felt she had really wronged me and I was hurt to the core. When she showed up one day, I was immediately angry. I had not called her for years because I did not want to speak with her. She immediately asked for my forgiveness but followed it with, "I realize I am asking a lot of you and that you will need time to think about this. I would just appreciate you thinking about it, please." She then went on to explain her actions and why she had done what she had done.
When our loved ones cross over, they normally stay around for their memorial. After that, they pass onward and go through a soul review. There is no judgement by anyone but themselves. They will stay in this soul review for several months as they relive their lives, seeing events from others' perspectives, not their own. For example, if the deceased said something hurtful to someone, they will see and feel the reactions of the other person. This is far worse than any judgement day that many of us grew up believing in. We see our actions and totally understand the reaction from the hurt person. Once my Granny was able to see what had happened, both sides of the situation, she was as mortified as I was. She showed me this.
Once I could understand that she understood everything that she had done to me, I felt validated and could then begin to work through to forgiveness. A lot of grace was involved, believe me, on both sides.
Your loved one wants your forgiveness more than anything. If you had a father who abandoned you, he now sees what that did to your heart and how it affected you throughout your life. If you had a mother who was abusive, she now sees exactly how that affected your perception of reality and even the choices you made. The dead cannot change their actions. It is too late. You are the one with the power now. You can carry around all that stagnant and low energy or you can decide to forgive - for yourself and for the person who wronged you.
Once I forgave my Granny, I cannot tell you what I was able to release on a soul level. Forgiveness sets us free! I was also able to tell her, after a while, that I forgave her too. Since then, we have been able to have a wondrous relationship in Spirit. I can honor the things she gave me in this lifetime and have let go of what was holding us both back.
I am not pretending this is easy but both my Granny and I would like to ask you to think about it. We both wish you the peace that we have found through forgiveness.